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Cheap Leon Hall Jersey
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We are required to inform you that these Foretellings are works of satire and are not for the faint of heart. Due to their content they should not be read by anyone. Please enjoy at your own risk. -The EditorGreetings Youth Johnny Townsend Jersey , Raider Nation! It is I, your host with the most, your ghost to the post, the butter to your toast, diagnosed with the boasts and witty ripostes, Raiderdamus the Great and Powerful. The Raiders are coming back from a bye week, and have once again jettisoned one of their key players in WR Amari Cooper. After the two-week break, the Great Beyond has an important message for us, so let’s drop all pretense and hearken unto his words:“You again! The Raiders keep changing, but you never do. Every week you bother me, asking about your mess of a team. If only the front office in Oakland was as stalwart as you are. Now, who you got this week? The Colts? Anyone can say anything they want about the Raiders, but at least the Raiders did not allow this to happen:Yes that’s right, the Colts choked so hard in Super Bowl III that the Jets were legitimized as a franchise, and now everybody knows who Joe Namath is. Suzy Kolber endured sexual harassment on LIVE FUCKING TELEVISION because of the Colts losing this game. In fact, Super Bowl III legitimized the AFL as a football league http://www.raidersauthorizedshops.com/au...ook-jersey , and so the Colts are also responsible for the New England Patriots. We, uhh, don’t talk about Super Bowl II. It never happened.Despite having one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time in Johnny Unitas, the Colts managed one Super Bowl, defeating the Cowboys in Super Bowl V. They found themselves in a similar predicament with another of the greatest of all time in Peyton Manning, and to win a Super Bowl with him they had to beat this man in a monsoonTonguehoto by Jonathan Daniel/Getty ImagesYes that’s right, the Colts defeated the Sex Cannon, Mr. Fuck It I’m Going Deep himself, Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl against a team whose best player was their kick returner. Peyton Manning always dreamed of throwing the winning touchdown pass in a Super Bowl, and he was able to do this twice. Once to Tracy Porter, and once to Malcolm Smith.After Manning’s neck fell off, the Colts performed the most elaborate tank job since the Luftwaffe invaded Belgium in 1940. They ended up drafting Stanford QB Andrew Luck, pictured here:Anyone up for a swim?Despite being one of the finest quarterbacks of his generation, Andrew Luck is one of the ugliest and most awkward-looking human beings to ever live. Had Andrew Luck been born in Zaire, he would be considered the missing link between mankind and Homo Erectus.But despite having the wisdom and foresight to draft Luck, the Colts naturally neglected to draft an offensive line to speak of. Luck got hurt Marshawn Lynch Jersey , and he rehabbed his throwing arm for approximately 37 years. Chuck Pagano’s recovery from cancer was faster than Luck recovering from whatever the fuck happened to his arm. Even now I remain unconvinced that what we see under center for the Colts is not an advanced Andrew Luck-looking android. Here is a more recent picture of Luck:Andrew Luck looks like he picks calluses off his feet and eats them. He looks like his blood is made of craft IPA. Andrew Luck’s favorite band is so obscure, they haven’t even formed yet. He looks like a man who calls every little kid ‘Chief’. He has a shrine to Michael Cera in his bathroom. His favorite movie is ‘She’. He plays football ironically. He collects documentaries about serial killers and shows them to the kids tied up in his basement every Wednesday. He lays on his own arm before whackin’ it so it feels like someone else is doing it. He sits backwards on the toilet so he can shit and eat Fruity Pebbles at the same time.The reason the Colts can’t have nice things is because they do shit like this:That’s not the only time the Colts completely shit the bed against New England. Remember when Tom Brady was suspended for deflating footballs? That was hilarious. But he got busted because he did it before a playoff game against the Colts. New England won 45-7, so I kinda doubt the footballs were the problem.But wait, there’s more! The Colts were all set to sign Josh McDaniels as their head coach, he’d agreed to it and everything, but Bill Belichick wasn’t about to let that happen. No, he had to shit on the Colts some more, and convinced McDaniels at the last minute to stay, leaving the Colts high and dry, scrambling for a coach. Belichick kept his man, even though McDaniels would have done to Indy what he did to Denver. McDaniels pulled out of his Colts deal faster than Jim Irsay pulls out of a cocaine deal when he thinks the dealer is a DEA agent.The Colts then hired Frank Reich, and I think they did so just to make Houston and Titans fans mad. Unpack that one, corpse of Bud Adams.Despite being a perfect example of why trust funds are a bad idea, Jim Irsay is truly a national treasure. He’s basically what would happen if Charlie Sheen owned a football team. But his predecessor as Colts GM was worse. Bill Tobin actually took Mel Kiper seriously, and that’s a huge no-no.Tobin was ruthless in his treatment of Kiper, who is notably from Baltimore and is probably pretty fucking salty about the Colts being in Indianapolis in the first place. The last time someone treated a journalist that poorly was at the Saudi Arabian embassy in Turkey.The fact that Bob Irsay moved the Colts to Indianapolis is shocking. It’s the first recorded instance of someone relocating TO Indiana. The state motto of Indiana is “We’re from Indiana Justin Ellis Jersey , and we’re moving.” There is nothing redeemable about Indiana, a state which considers ranch dressing its own food group. A state which continues to aid and abet a known enemy of the United States- Gary, Indiana. A state which harbors Notre Dame University, which is clearly a plot by the Papists to force NBC to broadcast shitty football games every week. A state which cannot decide which time zone it is in. Indiana looks like the Mongols invaded, took over and then died of boredom. Indiana makes Ohio look like Disneyland.I would talk about all the players that the Colts have, but I already talked about Andrew Luck. And they can’t even refute that, they have no defense.I would talk about all the players the Raiders have, but they are all hurt and I’ve been traded to Atlanta for a second-round pick in 2020 and a ham sandwich on rye.Colts win, 31-19.” Ugly wins are a thing of beauty in Denver, where the Broncos learned all their hard lessons last year in the dreariness of defeat."We're sitting here 2-0 but we're struggling," Emmanuel Sanders after the Broncos eked out a 20-19 win over Oakland on Sunday on Brandon McManus' 36-yard field goal with 6 seconds left.It was their only lead on a sweltering afternoon in which the temperature at kickoff was a record 92 degrees.The Broncos, who overcame a 12-point second-half deficit, hadn't opened a season with back-to-back fourth-quarter comebacks since 2007. Last week, they rallied past Seattle 27-24 in Case Keenum's Denver debut."It does feel good to win the hard-fought games," Sanders said. "But I can't wait until we can win one of those smooth games. But we're going to keep pushing. I'm going to wake up in the morning and stretch my arms and go, 'Ahh. It feels good to be 2-0.'"Especially after going 5-11 last year.It was for times like these that Broncos general manager John Elway ditched his stopwatch drafts in April in favor of players who had been captains in college and left school with degrees in hand."One thing we learned last year when you're 5-11 and you're in a losing streak Cheap Leon Hall Jersey , you need that maturity and that leadership to get things turned around," Elway said last spring.Royce Freeman scored on a 1-yard run and fellow rookies Bradley Chubb and Josey Jewell had key stops, but the biggest contributions came from Tim Patrick, a receiver who spent his rookie season on Denver's practice squad in 2017, and undrafted rookie Phillip Lindsay, a hometown hero who starred at the University of Colorado.Patrick's first NFL catch was a doozy: an 18-yarder that set up the winning field goal . And all Lindsay did was make history Sunday.He became the first undrafted player in league history to top 100 yards from scrimmage in his first two games. He followed a 103-yard debut with a 111-yard performance that included 14 rushes for 107 yards.Other takeaways from the game, which marked the 350th win in Broncos owner Pat Bowlen's tenure:CARR REVVS UP: Derek Carr was on target all afternoon, completing 29 of 32 passes for 288 yards and a touchdown. His 90.6 completion percentage is the best mark in franchise history — with a minimum of 20 attempts — topping the record of 89.5 set by Rich Gannon on Nov. 11, 2002, in Denver."He was great. Very accurate in getting us the ball. Made a lot of plays," said receiver Amari Cooper, who caught 10 passes for 116 yards four days after coach Jon Gruden gave Carr grief for not finding Cooper more in Week 1.MILLER MAGICThe Raiders protected rookie left tackle Kolton Miller by having Carr get rid of the ball quick, keeping Von Miller to one sack a week after he destroyed Seattle's game plan with four quarterback hits, three sacks, two forced fumbles and a fumble recovery.Miller's day could have been very similar to the Seahawks game had teammate Todd Davis not been whistled for a holding call that negated Miller's strip sack and Domata Peko's fumble recovery at the Oakland 20-yard line in the first half."I had Derek Carr, it was one of the few plays that he held the ball http://www.raiderscheapshops.com/cheap-a...ook-jersey ," said Miller, who later had a sack that counted. "I was able to get in and get the sack. And the forced fumble. And we recovered it. But we had to go back out because Todd was doing the Viennese waltz with whoever it was out there."SEEING REDRookie Courtland Sutton had a 42-yard catch overturned after Gruden threw his red challenge flag. He also thought he had come down with a 21-yard TD catch, but Broncos coach Vance Joseph lost his challenge when the officials confirmed Sutton's left foot slipped out of bounds just before his right knee hit inbounds.So, Sutton finished with a single catch for 9 yards."I don't know. I thought Courtland's touchdown was a touchdown," Joseph said. "Obviously, I challenged it. The second catch, I guess he didn't finish the catch. We'll figure it out. It's a tough game to officiate. There are so many rules right now and hopefully it's fair on both sides."BLOCKED KICKOne of the few things that went right for Denver in a dismal first half was Shaq Barrett's block of Mike Nugent's extra point, leaving the Raiders ahead 12-0 at the half."Who knew that would be huge?" Keenum asked.Barrett did, that's who."Coaches always say you never know what play can end up being a game-winning play," Barrett said. "That's why you've just got to play every play like that. When I'm out there, that's what I'm trying to do."
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